I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is wine microwaveable?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
