So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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