i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
