i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My ass is underappreciated
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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