Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize