is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
