Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize