who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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