So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
