Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
