I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
