Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
