There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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