he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
