what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
