How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
