Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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