barbara walters just said penis...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
