it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
