this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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