Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
jump out the window naked night went bad
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
