Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
why is half of my head shaved?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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