Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
