WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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