My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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