I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
