Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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