Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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