we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
