I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
