Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
