Barsexuality is the new black.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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