There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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