Acid is not a monday night drug
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
