in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
