I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
