my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
