Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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