So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize