Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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