The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
