cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
