Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
