I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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