I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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