she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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