I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
