if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
