The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
