if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
