I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
