what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
