But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
