Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize