So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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