You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
