Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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