Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
