Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
