She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
