i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
