So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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