I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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