grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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