my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
