operation harelip BJ is a go
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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