so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
