It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
