But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
