is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
