id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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