i was born a porn star she said
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
