How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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