I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
