We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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