guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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