I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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