I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
