I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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