Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
