She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
