i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
