Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize