If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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