I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
