What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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