I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
