you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
