It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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