I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drunk is a universal language darling
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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