I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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