he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I supernannyed him into submission
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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