I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
