You're so nebulous sometimes
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
