Duck Duck Cougar?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
