your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
