I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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