we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
