Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize