today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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