i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
50% drunk capacity currently
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
