i already hear my dad disowning me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
