Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
