Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
