it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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