i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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