You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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