And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
