In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
