i think my tv is drunk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize