Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
