im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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