I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
