There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
